It's been a month of absence for me now. For that I apologize. But it's all in good reason. I'm moving! Yes, moving! To a true 'homestead'. It's a tiny home, but a perfect one. Located right on the bank of the Yukon River. Overlooking tundra for as far south as my eyes can see. An alder forest traces the east side of the home. A few willow and a dirt road headed into town take the right side. To the north sits a hill- where cranberries, blueberries, and tundra tea grow. The dogs chose the hill as their home- of course. For it's the very best spot to view all that our new home has to offer. Ravens tease the pups habitually. Seagulls panic on the water- fighting over fish scraps. And it's all so very perfect. I can't wait for the new stories this home will help me tell.
I believe in the transfer of energy, and the creation of energy. I believe that once one person sends good energy into the world, it's transferred to others- who then transfer it to even more people. Bad energy behaves the same way. Both are endless cycles. Endless energies. Energies that were once created-- most likely without the intent to change the world. That one person who set that one energy in motion never intended to change everything (for the better or worse), but they did. They made a difference. They're probably unaware of the difference, but it's there. It always will be, as their energy continues to travel to different people. And each day that you and I behave in, we're creating, absorbing, transferring, and containing kinetic energies. Some we absorb and transfer, not by choice- but just by the law of physics (an object in motion stays in motion- an energy in motion stays in motion, no matter who it passes through). But other energies, the ones we ourselves create- we can choose. Do we want to send a positive or negative energy into the world? Do we want to make a change for the better or for the worse? What chain reaction of energies do we want to create today?
I've read many many blogs regarding foster parents and their 'support system'. These people are their family, friends, neighbors, and community members who will be involved in their children's lives. And I often read of these people (ironically entitled their support) being unsupportive. I, to the very contraire opposite, have the most supportive support system known to mankind. My mother and father so avidly push me to achieve my dream of fostering that they allow me to talk of it nonstop, and give me parenting advice when I feel the need. They eagerly await their opportunity to be grandparents. And although they live far away intend to be as involved as possible in everything (including a yearly holiday vacation to their home- where Santa Claus has promised very big blessings). My grandparents are also very supportive- applauding every step I take closer to becoming a foster parent. My friends give me hugs for even the smallest achievements in my fostering dreams. And my extended family and younger brother are all open arms ready to accept and love absolutely any beautiful child that comes into their family. I am so so blessed in this department. So so blessed indeed.
Snickers passed away last night. Yesterday he began spinning in circles instead of walking in straight lines. He began to lose his appetite and his motor skills. I don't know what would cause this. I'm assuming some sort of internal damage from the dog bites. But it progressively got worse, until he passed away around 2:00 or 3:00 AM. I am heartbroken, but also feel very blessed that I got to give him a bit longer of a life. I woke up last night, abruptly, and panicked. I kept saying "Do I have baby mice?" over and over. I was still mostly asleep and vaguely remember it. But my darling reminded me this morning when I found Snickers had passed. I'm fairly sure I was having a dream of Snickers passing and awoke approximately the time he passed. The worst part is, I don't know if me awaking was my chance to save him- or merely his way of saying goodbye to me.
I know I've mentioned my yearning to be a foster parent before, but I'd like to go in a bit more detail. Since the age of 10, after watching a 60 Minutes episode regarding the foster care system- I decided I wanted to be a foster parent. I'd taken in as many children as I could and provide them all the love in my heart. Since the age of 16, my goal was to be a foster parent when I turned 21 (the legal age to begin fostering). I am now 21, and with the ever most urge to reach my goal. Finances, housing, and life have handed me some delays- but not a day passes when I don't wish that I had foster children in my care at this exact moment. It is my entire reason for living. I don't ever intend to have my own children (and as I've learned, such a thing may not even be possible- keyword: infertility). But that, I feel blessed with. Because it's all the more reason to reach out and be the mother I was meant to be- to my children. Perhaps not by birth, genetics, or law. But my heart. I shall be a mother by heart. And I dearly hope things fall into place so I can make such a dream a reality very soon.